Things you must do.

Fold 1000 paper cranes
Put a padlock on a bridge in Italy
Write to Juliet


Enjoy every moment C:

Finality.

Last night, for no reason at all, I found you in my head again. I was in his arms, you were in my head. I wanted you to go away so badly. I was over-whelmed with "what if's," I couldn't handle it anymore. I told him you found your way into my head again. I then began to sob. So many questions. Why did you leave? Why don't you love me? Why do I love you? When will I stop missing you? I told him how frustrating it is to know you're still here, but I can't have you. I thought about how it would be easier if I had that finality. If I knew there was never a possibility you'd come back; I could finally move on. Though, I suppose there's going to be a time when i'm going to have to stop waiting up for you. I just don't know when that'll be.

Can you atleast give me an answer to that, mum?

A reminder of strength.

Someone close to you might pass away, and when your head sorts through all the feelings of grief, your heart is going to tell your head, "Hey, Wait a minute.. I've felt something kind of similiar, let's retrace those moments and see what happend, maybe then she can get some closure on this. She needs something to blame this on, so she can make sense of it, or she's going to go insane.'

I was unbroken, once.

Looking up at the sky, through crystal eyes. Skin cold, face up. She was always beautiful. Tight wringlets sparkled, as if capturing the sunset. Skin cold, face up. She was always so strong. Little white dress, it was always her favourite, she wore it on any occassion. Skin cold, face up. She needed you, like winter needed summer. Her once vibrant heart, now shards of bitter resentment. Skin cold, face up. Loving you got her nowhere.
She still loves you.

Upside-down Belief.

What you believe and what i believe, are two different things altogether. However, whether you believe what i believe, and i believe what you believe. Is a different thing in itself.

That, one, thing.

Everything from the day it happend, onwards is going to lead you back to this brickwall. You can cover it, and bury it, but it's still going to be there and only you have the power to remove that void in your heart.

Locked.

It's like shoving a handful of beautifully coloured birds in a bland, life draining room, and trying to say they're all the same colour, by teaching them the same phrases. it just does not work.

Here.

I'm not here to guide you, nor am i here to hold your hand. Chances are, I will not comfort you when you are down, instead, i will walk beside you and let you hear my footsteps, I will watch you fall only to look you straight in the eyes and without words, tell you to pull yourself back up. I'm not here to be leaned upon, nor am i here to give advice, I'm here to challenge you, to push you and to give you a part of myself, even if you don't want it. I'm here, but not here at all.
I'm here.

Something to hold onto.

Her fingers slipped, she didn't want to let go. She had to let go. She was numb and frail, she didn't want to be here. What she guarded was so fragile, and already wounded. How could she hold onto it any longer? She knew that she had to, she knew that if she gave it away, she'd just get it back, days, months, years later. More worse for wear than ever. So she held onto it with unwanting hands and and watched it with yearning eyes. She watched it stay the same, the same shape, same colour, same wounds. There was something missing. A big gap she wanted to, so desperately to fill. However, she knew that holding onto what she had been guarding, keeping from harms way, and from anothers grasp, for such a long time would never fill that gaping hole. But how she yearned to fill it. She kept her urges to give it away to the first bidder, at bay by fairy tales and fantasies of better worlds. Cracks started to show. Even though nothing in her life had changed, nothing in her dreary life had even slightly faltered, cracks began to show. How could this be? How could something so insignificant, be noticed by so many? How could they start noticing it, when she'd kept it so well hidden all her life? Maybe she had let her guard down. She started to think, but nothing came to mind in her time of urgency. She was numb, with the cracks growing larger, unable to move, staying in the same time frame. Had she done this to herself? Was it her fault that now, it was too late for anyone to save her? She couldn't think. Her body shutdown. She slept, her heart, still untouched, still just as empty.
She didn't know what love was.





I wrote this within a time frame of about ten minutes, i'm not really an aspiring writer, i just had some emotion i needed to get out. It still isn't edited so you'll have to forgive me for that. Some feed back would be nice though.